Dads get postpartum depression too

When Jeffrey Gantwerker's son was born in 2019, he expected to feel only joy. Instead, the Chicago dad soon felt a wave of deep worry and dread. He was so anxious about his baby growing up too fast that he could barely enjoy any of it. Gantwerker later learned he had a form of postpartum depression — a condition that many people don't know can affect fathers too.

Gantwerker, 46, works as a program manager for the Mars candy company. He remembers the first happy moments after his son's birth — holding him skin to skin and touching his tiny nose. But those good feelings didn't last long. He soon felt an 'impending sense of crushing doom' and wanted to be with the baby every single moment.

He became obsessed with the idea that his baby was changing so fast it felt like each older version of his son was 'dying.' He told himself he needed to make the most of every minute, but that pressure made it impossible to enjoy anything. Eventually, a psychologist told him he was experiencing postpartum depression.

Experts say this condition is more common in dads than most people think. Sheehan Fisher, a psychologist at Northwestern University, says about 10 percent of fathers develop depression or anxiety during the period from pregnancy through the first year after birth. That is about half the rate seen in mothers. Fisher says the term 'postpartum depression' is often used to describe a wider group of mood and anxiety problems that can affect both parents.

Some experts believe the true number of affected dads may be even higher. Men are often less likely to ask for help than women, and they tend to show different symptoms. Daniel Singley, a psychologist in San Diego, says depressed fathers are more likely to show aggravation, annoyance, or even rage. 'Under that is feeling hurt, sad, afraid, ashamed, helpless, hopeless, but what we see externally is anger and irritability,' he said.

Men may also feel physical symptoms like muscle tension or stomach pain. Some try to hide their feelings with harmful habits like alcohol or gambling, Singley said. Fisher added that some men believe they should focus only on supporting the baby's mother and feel reluctant to admit they are struggling themselves.

Christopher Choukalas, 51, is a doctor and professor in San Francisco who wrote a book about his experience with postpartum depression after his twin daughters were born. He felt overwhelmed and out of control, so he tracked every detail of the babies' sleep and feeding schedules. He would snap at his wife if anything got in the way of those schedules. 'Only when they were asleep could I breathe,' he said.

Choukalas admitted that he thought other people were the problem, not him. He would sometimes retreat to his garage and sit alone in the dark, not wanting to go back inside the house. At his wife's suggestion, he finally started seeing a therapist and also took an antidepressant, which gradually helped him feel better.

Darby Saxbe, a psychology professor at the University of Southern California, says postpartum depression in both parents likely comes from several causes. These include changes to sleep, routines, relationships, and a person's sense of who they are. She also says society often sends the message that having a new baby is purely a happy event, making it hard for parents to admit when they are struggling.

Hormones play a role too. In women, a drop in estrogen after childbirth can trigger depression. In men, testosterone levels drop when they become fathers, especially when they are actively involved in childcare. Research shows links between lower testosterone and depression, though experts say the picture is complex.

For men, the riskiest time for postpartum depression is three to six months after the baby is born. A major risk factor is having a partner who also has postpartum depression. 'The No. 1 risk factor for paternal postpartum depression is maternal postpartum depression,' said Singley.

Gantwerker finally sought help when his wife told him he looked miserable, surprising him since he thought he had been hiding his feelings well. Fisher helped him find ways to break out of the anxious thought loops. Learning that other dads had been through similar struggles helped him feel less alone and less 'broken,' he said. When his daughter was born in 2022, he was better at catching his symptoms early and knew how to manage them.